Saturday, January 26, 2008


Miscellaneous...You could probably write that on my tombstone




I've never really decided what it is that I wanted to do with my life and even at 60 plus years I'm still waffling with the idea about being a writer. I know that I am definitely a right brained individual and have wasted many precious years pursuing
careers that would provide the security and comfort that all Cancers
yearn for, The worst of them was when I believed that I wanted to be an
accountant. The thing is I have always been aware of the sweat equity
and time it takes to establish expertise in any given field and I feared that I would some day become disillusioned
and saddened by the time I wasted being good at just one thing and then
again maybe I was just too lazy to commit. I think in retrospect I
should have tried an acting career. It is probably the best of them all
because I recognise in myself the ability to be a poser. I slip in and
out of roles with amazing ease. I walk into a car dealership and people
mistake me for a salesman, I enroll in University as a mature student
and they mistake me for a professor. One time when I had time to kill
before attending a wedding reception I stopped into a billiard parlor
that I had never been in before and they thought that I was some pool
shark looking for a mark and that I was purposely missing shots so they would think that I was the mark. oddly enough it gave me a strange feeling of satisfaction.

never had the urge to wrap myself up in a flag, pound my chest and
proclaim that my Country is the best Country in the World. In fact I
believe that would be a great disservice to my Country because although there
are many great and wonderful things about it there are an equally
amount of things that are wrong.

I've also never latched
on to any one ideology. They all look good on paper but they are
overseen by the people for the people so when you throw in all that
Human Nature, Greed and Ignorance none of it produces the Utopia that
we strongly desire.

I've never really commited to any one particlar
religion or spiritual teaching. I've dabbled in most of them throughout
my life and although there are many common threads through out them all
I can't commit to any one of them. For some people the theatre, the
dogma and ritual are comforting but for me they are a turnoff. What
greater Cathedral is there then a stand of old growth forest or a rock
or mesa under the heavens. There are some temples in Japan that have to
be built from the wood of trees that are over a thousand years old. To
me that's akin to nailing Christ on a cross and then worshipping the cross. Maybe that's just me.

am very anti-establishment, anti-authoritarian and a borderline
anarchist. I'm not completely convinced that the world would go to hell
in a hand basket if there was no government or police. There would be
initial chaos but I wonder if that wouldn't level off and we would
settle on a fairer kinder system. We as a community would have to deal with the crime
because there would be no authority in place to do so...File it under
miscellaneous musings for it will never happen.

line is that I am a dabbler with many varied interests. A flood light
personality as apposed to a spotlight. I would probably be a modern day
Renaissance man if I had any genius or expertise for them but alas I am
a plodder with little commitment to any of them. The one thing that I
am sure of beyond any shadow of doubt is that I am a billion times more
ignorant of things that happen in this world then what I know for
relative surety.

Here's a thought.... Perhaps because I am always searching for meaning and understanding and never fixed on any one given concept, it has kept me young, open to new ideas and always in awe of what can happen around me.
Yes,File Me Under Miscellaneous!


Shari January 26, 2008 at 12:10 PM  

You covered a lot in that post. There is much that I could comment on. When I was younger, I tried some "ritualistic" churches hoping that the ritual would make me more holy. But, I was disappointed. I now go to a church (Wesleyan)that bases everything on the Bible. The pastor knows Greek and Hebrew and can tell us what the authors were actually saying in the Biblical books that they wrote. I've noticed that many of the "popular" TV preachers are translating the Bible to say what they think modern people want to hear, totally disregarding the culture and experiences of the people of who the text was actually written to. Well, I'll get off my soap box now.

The Alchemist January 26, 2008 at 12:23 PM  

Yes Shari. Alan Watts maid some interesting comments about the translation of the bible from the original Greek and Latin to the King James version. It's in his talk entitled 'Jesus and the Religion about him.' If you ever get a chance to read the transcript or here the tape you should do so.

paisley January 26, 2008 at 3:01 PM  

well i found myself many times in this post... i am hoping that my sorrowful state of confusion is short lived,, and i find the youth and vigor in nonconformance that you have ... the path less traveled is often dark and lonely...

Beautiful Witch January 26, 2008 at 10:28 PM  

What a gift it is to reflect so thoroughly on who you are, where you have been and where you could have been. I have been reading Zen books on the writing process lately and a lot of them give the advice that you could just write. Start anywhere, saw anything and write. And you do this well!

gautami tripathy January 27, 2008 at 1:40 AM  

Somehow I can relate. I can adapt to any situation. I can accept easily. However, deep within myself, I have a sense of lacking something. Not material things, not relationships. I can't seem to know what it is. Your post thus is very familiar to me. I am a teacher. I love to teach. I write poetry, I read like mad and write reviews. I am a good counseller.

Can you believe it, today I was thinking I should have been a rock star? Because I am a Rock Music fanatic. Looking at me, you won't know that.

I am very glad, I got to your post.

Arty? Not me!!

Heather Kathleen January 27, 2008 at 8:05 AM  

i am also glad that i got to your post. you have echo'd many thoughts dancing around in my head and heart...

i know that i am not alone, but it is nice to see someone else put it out there.

i think instead of a tombstone? i prefer to just be scattered to the winds. each miscellaneous piece finding its own resting place...unmarked.

thank you again.

tumblewords January 27, 2008 at 8:01 PM  

I think you are in good company - there must be more than two of us who dabble full heartedly in one direction and then another - the spice of life, I always call it! Nice post!!

Lori V. (doyourealize) January 27, 2008 at 10:44 PM  

My first time here, and what a day to stop by... this post touched me so deeply. I'm but a little over half your age, and I see myself in your life. I love to find kindred souls.

My Scribblings are up... come by & visit my blog sometime. Have a great week!

anthonynorth January 28, 2008 at 3:21 AM  

I think I could have written those words - except about my country. I love mine, but mainly because of its values.
I think I'm a life-long drifter, a Jack-of-all-trades. But then again, it is the experience from such a life that makes a person a writer.