[ Fiction ] Friday July 13/07

It was Ebb's last day on the job and when his partner suggested that they go out in the squad car one more time, for old times sake, Ebb figured that they were just trying to get him out of the office so they could set up a surprise party which they have done for every man and their dog that retires. It never ever surprises anyone but they insist on the ruse anyway.
When they got in the car a call came in telling them to go to Tim Hortons on Alberni Street to deal with an assault, with possible weapons involvement. Two things went through Ebb's head. One being that he was in no hurry to get involved with an arrest and have to write up reports on his last day and the other was that there wasn’t an incident at all because the Tim Horton’s on Alberni was a popular donut shop with the Downtown department and he had a gut feeling that they were going to surprise him at Timmy’s. When they pulled into the parking lot Ebb was relieved to see a familiar Police ghost car in the lot. He reminded himself to try and look really surprised and not let their efforts go to waste.

On entering the Donut shop he was surprised to see a young East Indian security guard and a clown being restrained by a couple of undercover cops. “What’s going on here?” Exclaimed Ebb's partner.
“He punched me in the nose!” shouted the clown. “Arrest him, he tried to kill me!” Ebb’s partner told him to take the security guard and that he would question the clown. That’s just fucking great thought Ebb, what a great last day this is turning out to be.

Ebb pulled the security guard off to one side and asked him what happened. “ I was standing in line minding my own business. I just wanted to pick up a coffee and a boston cream before going to work when this mad clown came pushing in front of me. I tapped him on the shoulder and told him that I was here before him. I am not a violent man, I’m a pacifist and I am so ashamed at myself for hitting him but he called me a filthy Paki and that I should go back to where I came from and that Tim Hortons don’t sell Chai tea anyway. I just hit him without thinking and I kept on hitting him until they pulled me off him. I am not a violent man. I have a gun but it’s not even loaded.” He spoke very softly and was very agitated as he reached to show Ebb his empty gun.

“ Don’t do that. Don’t be touching your gun;” Ebb uttered.

“ No I’ll take it out gently with two fingers to let you see that it’s not loaded. I’m a Buddhist and I don’t believe in guns. I only carry it because they say I have to;” he said as he reached round for the gun.

Ebb was busy writing in his report book when he heard three gunshots and out of the corner of his eye he saw the young man crumble to the ground. “Holy Shit!!” he cried and turned to see the three officers with their guns un-holstered and pointing at the place where the young man once stood.

“He was drawing down on you Ebb;” his partner shouted. “Oh God!, Oh God!, Oh God!” cried Ebb. "He just wanted to show me his empty gun". At that moment his Captain entered the shop. Everything was happening so fast. Ebb looked at the captain and told him that it was all his fault. He should have told his partner that everything was OK. He should have stopped the young man from touching his gun. “I take full responsibility, Cap!” Ebb confessed.

At that moment the young man moved and Ebb yelled at the top of his lungs, “He’s Alive! He’s Alive!” The Captained grabbed Ebb by his shoulder and looked him in the eye and whispered; “I hate to have to tell you this, Ebb but ….” YOU’VE JUST BEEN PUNKED!!!! Came a resounding shout from everyone in the shop.