The Middle Road

This has been a very difficult post for me. Maybe because I am such a private person and am very uncomfortable sharing my past. First of all if the way I am today is a direct result of decisions that I made in my youth then the answer to that question would be a definite NO. For some strange reason I have sought the meaning of life rather then the rewards. When I was much younger it was a matter of survival, If I couldn't make any sense of Man's Inhumanity to his fellow Man then I wanted to be done with it. What resulted was a withdrawal from active participation rather then a definite shedding of the mortal sac. I'll share with you something that I wrote in a previous post

At some point in my youth I made a conscious decision to sit this life out. To not participate, to not play an active role other then provide myself with food and shelter. I have tried to live the better part of my life by walking down the exact centre of the road in the middle of the pack, not a leader, not a straggler, not living on the edge.

Now as you well know It is impossible to sit out a life, it comes up and confronts you at every turn, forces you to make decisions, forces you to compete. I can only say in retrospect I have in most cases always chose the path of least resistance. Would I change anything if I had the chance?

I have come to the conclusion later on in life that I should have lived my life a little closer to the edge, participated more. That is what we are meant to do. Live life to it's fullest, enjoy each moment, at the very least pay attention to the experience. I am afraid that I have skimmed through life, always looking for meaning, relying on intuition rather then scientific knowledge.

So in conclusion I don't think that I would change anything other then pay more attention to the experience, it's not to late to taste the first snowfall, feel the morning dew or fresh turned earth between my toes. The smell of the ocean and hear the crackle and snap of a Forrest floor. Whatever happens to me now, at each present moment is all that there is and I am meant to experience it now and not wait for something to happen or think of something that I missed.